Older Brother Syndrome
Over the late summer, I have had a lot insecurities surface in some areas that I would not expect. If someone said a certain thing or did something in particular, I would get so triggered and everything inside of me wanted to come out as if I was a pot of boiling water waiting to explode. I think being aware that there is something going on inside of you takes a lot of courage and self-awareness. I am not saying that I am perfect. I am simply saying that there have been things going on inside me that have festered over the past few years that I had no clue of until my began to transition into being in more of a leadership role. If you are in a leadership position, whether that is ministry or business, I highly suggest checking your heart on a daily basis.
The things that began to surface in my life came from places where I thought I did not add up to God and his love for me. This led me to a place of unknowingly performing for God's love and affirmation. At times, I found myself secretly wanting that affirmation from those who were in close proximity to me. Eventually, this led me to competing for relationship with the Father. In Luke 15, there was a man who had two sons. The youngest of the two said, "Father, give me the share of the property that is coming to me (Luke 15:12a)." In those days, a son did not receive his share of his father's inheritance until his father passed away. In other words, the son is simply saying, "Father, I wish you were dead!" Ouch! The older son just so happens to be the one that everyone forgets about in this story. The older son spent his efforts in being faithful and stewarding everything his father gave him, which is not a bad thing. But it was what was going on his heart that we need to aware of here. After the younger son comes to his senses and decides to begin his journey back home, the older son becomes very jealous and offended:
“Now his older son was in the field, and as he came and drew near to the house, he heard music and dancing. And he called one of the servants and asked what these things meant. And he said to him,Your brother has come, and your father has killed the fattened calf, because he has received him back safe and sound. But he was angry and refused to go in. His father came out and entreated him, but he answered his father, Look, these many years I have served you, and I never disobeyed your command, yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours came, who has devoured your property with prostitutes, you killed the fattened calf for him!’ And he said to him, Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. It was fitting to celebrate and be glad, for this your brother was dead, and is alive; he was lost, and is found.” (Luke 15:25-32)
Just like the older son became offended, as did I. I always felt as if I was missing out on something, when in reality, everything that was my fathers has always been mine. It is just a byproduct of being a son. Everything that I had been feeling in my heart had been leaking into my relationship with the father and my relationships. There is already so much competition in the world, but if we take the example that Mary set for us and remain at the feet of Jesus, we will not miss out on what he is doing or saying (Luke 10:38-42). I want you to know something will bring you out of a place of feeling like you have to compete for love or affirmation:
"Competition comes from not being secure in your relationship with God."
Psalm 51:16 says, "For you will not delight in sacrifice, or would I give it; you will not be pleased with a burnt offering." Simply said, God does not delight in performance. He delights in the sheer truth that he surrendered his one and only son so that we might experience the unconditional love that he has for us (John 3:16). God's love is best received when it is not worked for. There is no way that you can receive that kind of love to fullest measure until you lay down your need to strive for it. Truly, there is only receiving in the Kingdom of God, not performance. The Father does not find pleasure in what you do for him. He delights in what he did for you. The world says that you cannot receive something that you have not worked for, but in the Kingdom receiving is part of our inheritance as sons and daughters. Will you begin to partake in the performance free relationship that Jesus welcomes you into?
